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I love how what you choose to focus on, the universe then seems to throw more of that stuff your way; like you suddenly get more of it or see more of it everywhere.

While juggling several balls up in the air and in the midst of major changes, the theme I chose for last month’s business Facebook posts, and my Monday Morning Momentum video shares, was about REAL leadership.

So, here’s the thing. I recently returned from participating in a Local Government forum for Inspiring Women’s Leadership, where the word REAL seemed to be a reoccurring feature across the various presentations and workshops.   From understanding the REALity of gender imbalance in senior positions, to being REAL and bringing the REAL you into your work role, to being a REAL leader.  It was certainly an event that ticked many of my boxes; further cementing my own thoughts on the matter of what ‘being REAL’ is.

Now I know that we all take away different core messages from attending these things, and given my passion [and therefore a heightened radar] for developing and supporting authentic, genuine, ethical leaders [aka REAL leaders], of course I’m going to hone in on the learnings that float my boat.

Here’s what I know, from my own experience and from listening to others on the topic of REAL leadership.

We need REAL leaders.  The world is crying out for the REAL thing. Frankly, we have too much fake stuff; corrupt, disingenuine, self-serving, seat-warming, egotistical, positional, power-hungry leaders; those who are not leading for greater good outcomes.  Those who are not the right role models for our emerging future leaders.

Will the REAL leaders please step up, stand out, and showcase what REAL leadership is? Yes – we do have some, and yes – we need them to be the game-changers and mentors of our future leaders.

What’s REAL leadership look like, sound like, feel like?

R – RESPONSIBLE & RESPONSIVE …

A REAL leader takes responsibility for their own actions, and the impact their actions [or decisions] is having on others. They also take responsibility for the actions of those they lead; understanding that a leader’s role is to enable and empower others to do the right things in the right way. Modelling the way and what is expected is a core requirement of being a REAL leader.

A REAL leader is responsive [in a timely manner] and responsible for the way in which they respond.  Taking a stand, making decisions, showing the way, providing instruction; REAL leaders are not afraid to challenge and change the status quo.  REAL leaders know that doing nothing, or sticking their head in the sand, is not a response; not leading at all.

E -  ETHICIAL & EMPOWERING …

A REAL leader consistently demonstrates high levels of integrity and knows what doing ‘ethical leadership’ means. They have strong values and morals, well-suited to their leadership role, that guides them to make the right decisions for the right reasons; not because they have a right to do so, but because it is the right thing to do. A REAL leader knows and shows that difference.

A REAL leader is one who takes their people on the journey with them. Sharing an inspired vision of where they are heading, clarifying why this is the way to go, and enabling others to take the lead through mentoring and coaching.  REAL leaders create and empower more leaders, because they know that WE will always create better results than just ME outcomes.

A – AUTHENTIC & AGILE …

A REAL leader embraces their authenticity; they are the real deal – always. They are clear on who they are, solid on what they stand for, consistently walk their talk, and live by their personal brand. Authenticity is about being genuine; it has no ON and OFF button – it’s always ON. REAL leaders know that their reputation is everything. Authenticity + Integrity are core components in building trust.

A REAL leader understands that the world is constantly changing and subsequently, so are the expectations of those they serve – employees and clients. They flex with the zigzags, know the value of anticipating change, and are willing to rethink their original assumptions.  REAL leaders don’t just embrace change; they lead it and drive it.

L – LEARNER & LISTENER …

A REAL leader is forever the student; constantly researching, exploring better ways, creatively thinking and continually learning. They know that competence + currency = credibility, and credibility is another core component in building trust. REAL leaders know that those who stand still – ripen and rot; those who continually learn – grow and keep evolving.

A REAL leader is a good listener. They know that they don’t have all the answers, and they know in their busy day-to-day work, they don’t get to see everything or know how everyone feels or thinks.  REAL leaders seek out this information; not just through feedback surveys; they regularly schedule time to engage, observe and listen. One more thing: REAL leaders also listen to their inner voice; they take notice of the alarm bells and have learned to trust their gut instincts.

Let’s promote, showcase and celebrate REAL leadership.

While there’s so much more that could be written on this topic, REAL change and progress will only occur if REAL action is taken.  Having the courage to say what needs to be said is one thing; following through with strong conviction and deliberate action requires a solid collaborative, shoulder-to-shoulder stance, firmly focused on the desired outcome: … we must develop and support more REAL leaders … please.

Finally, I believe the deliberate action that’s needed is a dual approach – happening simultaneously.

1. We must boldly promote, showcase and celebrate the REAL leader role models, and;
2. We must bravely shame, flush out, and disempower the fake leaders.

Seriously, the reality is; if we continue to accept, promote, and reward the fake or mediocre imposters sitting in the leadership chairs, this sends the wrong message to those who aspire to future leadership roles.

I urge you to:  Be REAL … encourage REAL … engage REAL … grow, support, and reward REAL leaders. 

Our organisations will have better futures and our world will be a better place … and that’s a ‘good for the greater good’ outcome.

Written by Jilinda Lee … Change Champion, Leadership Coach, OD Strategist, Writer, Speaker … Founder and CEO of Workforce Vitality and passionate inspirer of dynamic, game-changing leaders.

If you need a mentor to help you build REAL leadership skills, contact Jilinda for a free 15-minute chat.

If you would like Jilinda to provide a lively, ‘tell-it-like-it-is’, inspirational talk at your next function, contact us for a chat about that.

The post REAL Leaders – please step up, stand out and show the way. appeared first on Workforce Vitality.

My Partner and I deliberately choose to live and work in smaller regional communities.  Each one is different, has unique attributes, and offers the potential opportunities for both of us to make a positive community development impact.

We also love change. It’s fair to say we’ve moved around a bit more than the average pair of beige bears; we love embracing new, challenging opportunities.

However, some things are the same. There are some people in every community I’ve lived in who seem to take delight in trying to shut down [or get rid of] positive people, new initiatives, passionate energy for change, or any poppy who is trying to stand up tall to inspire others to take positive action …the ones daring to be different.

What I’ve learned from years of personal experience is it’s often better to just ignore these people … those who find their significance by feeding off negative energy. No matter how positively you respond, some people will keep searching to find further fault and delight in fuelling a conflict … like there’s a freaking reward in it for them! 

Walk away … the battle isn’t with you … it is with themselves.

I don’t understand their intentions; they don’t understand mine, nor do they care to. That’s absolutely OK.  I like who I am, proud of what I do, absolutely clear on why I do it, and deliberate about choosing where I do it.  My purpose is always focused on making a positive difference …wherever I am – while-ever I can.

Now, there’s lots of blogs and quoted advice about freeing yourself from negative people … like all you need to do is flick them off, or choose to not hang around with them. Instead, the suggestion is to only spend time with nice people who are smart, driven, and will lift you higher.  You know – surround yourself with like-minded people … because apparently, we become like the 5 people we spend the most time with.

Really? … well that’s nice if you can. Sometimes it’s not as easy as that. Sometimes like-minded people can be few on the ground. Sometimes it’s best to mindfully and deliberately NOT become like the people we must spend the most time with [eg: some workplace teams?]

Recently I enjoyed an after-hours chat over a few drinks with a like-minded visiting professional consultant, who, an hour into it, asked me; “how do you fit in with ‘the people’ here, Jilinda?”  I laughed and answered; “why do I need to? … how do you inspire and lead positive change, if you are the same as everyone else? … to make a bigger difference, you have to BE the difference … BE the change you want to inspire in others“.

 More progress occurs when people dare to be different.

As passionate drivers of positive change, active disrupters of mediocre status quo, intentionally showing a different way, suggesting new solutions to stuff that is clearly not working, encouraging others to play a bigger game … we should be prepared to come up against the nay-sayers; those who are challenged by our message and positive actions.  Yep. They will always be there.

Here’s what I know from experience:

 -          Negative people don’t want solutions. They will often try to brick wall them as solutions to problems means they have to work hard to find something else to be negative about.

 -          Narcissistic people don’t want YOUR solutions. If they didn’t’ think of it, initiate or drive it, they will spend their waking moments trying to sabotage the initiative; even if it is positive or heading the right direction. Blowing your candle out makes theirs burn brighter [or so they think].

 -          Worse still – insecure sociopaths cannot tolerate anything that comes from YOU. Innovative ideas, half ideas, concepts – nothing will be supported. Why? Because in their mind, everything you suggest or do is like a personal affront; a threat in some way to their unhealthy need for total control. They lie awake at night plotting ways to cut you off at the knees. It’s personal and malicious; wrong on so many levels but it happens [yes, I've met one or two of these].

Retreating into a box in the corner, or playing smaller to blend in, or allowing negative thinking to dilute your positive outlook, is exactly the impact these people hope to achieve … to disempower or demotivate you; in some cases, to deliberately disrupt your greater-good intentions and plans.

 Being negative only makes a difficult journey more difficult …                        You may be given a cactus, but you don’t have to sit on it.

Sometimes you have to dig deeper into your own resilience bucket, to bravely step up, stand out and speak up; intentionally refocusing the negative aspects of a situation into opportunities for even greater solutions – a catalyst for wholesale change.

Here’s 5 ways we do that:

1.  Question negative or narrow thinking of ‘the way it’s always been done around here’ … like: ‘how’s that been working out?’ … ‘why keep accepting such poor behaviour and outcomes?’
2.  Suggest and continually push for better, bigger picture solutions – if it’s someone else’s decision to make. Encourage others to explore more broadly; to keep asking questions.
3.  Pour more energy into those who ARE showing interest and willing to try new ways, and reduce the time spent responding to the negative ones [read: stop wasting time on those who won’t change]
4.  Provide factual, truthful, well researched responses that address others incorrect assumptions and sometimes malicious statements.
5.  Just keep doing it differently and simply BE the change you want to inspire in others.

 So, ‘does this work out?’ I hear you ask. Honestly: sometimes YES, sometimes NO, sometimes NOT YET. You have no control over other’s actions; just your own responses, choices and decisions [and patience levels].

 Perhaps the more direct question here is: ‘Given the uncertain, variable outcomes; would you keep doing these 5 things, and if so – why?’  Absolutely! Every chance I get.

 That is what being authentic and genuine is all about. Being clear on your values and sticking to them – no matter what. Knowing your purpose, believing in your abilities, and intentionally driving positive change.

 My point is, I really don’t see why I [we] should or would choose to be the same as everyone else … the world has more than enough followers and those wanting to play small. For me, there is no passion, personal growth, or achievement of any ‘making a difference’ goals in choosing to play a smaller game.  Choosing to be beige and blend in. That’s so ‘off purpose’.

 Like the colourful zebra pictured: why be black and white – when you can be brightly coloured? Why blend in, when you can stand out?

 To lead change, you have to be willing to BE DIFFERENT, and to DO DIFFERENT stuff to what’s already out there … that is the intention.

That is BEing the change.

Written by Jilinda Lee … Change Champion, Leadership Coach, OD Strategist, Writer, Speaker … Founder and CEO of Workforce Vitality and passionate inspirer of dynamic, game-changing leaders.

If you need a mentor to help you lift your mojo, so that you can make positive changes personally or professionally, contact Jilinda for a free 15-minute chat.

If you would like Jilinda to provide a lively, ‘tell-it-like-it-is’, inspirational talk at your next function, contact us for a chat about that.

The post BE different, BE the change … that’s the intention! appeared first on Workforce Vitality.

As a Change Champion and someone who constantly looks for opportunities to shake things up, disrupt mediocre status quo, and continually improve stuff; my 2017 New Year post was probably no surprise to any of you. Almost six months ago, I announced with gusto, the ‘Year of Revolutionary Change’ as my 2017 theme in my New Year blog, and splashed it across my refreshed personal Facebook page banner.

‘A Game Changer, a disrupter of the ordinary, Inspirer of positive thought & dynamic change’ … not only my Facebook profile; it is what I do and love doing. Deliberate intent and purpose to inspire and lead change. Encouraging others to step up, engaging workforces to raise the bar, and embracing opportunities to develop communities; for greater good outcomes.

So, my partner and I excitedly planned progressive change initiatives for 2017. My book writing priority, his corporate planning project, my business rebranding, our community leadership roles, local leadership development programs, and professional speaking personal development for both of us; all focused on raising the bar, influencing change, and making a bigger difference in the small regional community we enjoy living in. Plans were humming, stuff was happening, positive outcomes were on the horizon; some within weeks of fruition.

Then May happened – Monday 8 May to be precise. Unplanned change, unexpected turmoil; deliberately cut off at the knees. An unbelievable and totally unnecessary decision made by several people on self-preservation power trips, with malicious intent to personally discredit and drive us out of the community. This small, regional community we had put our heart and soul into for almost two years. [More will be written on that story … later].

Suffice to say, we went into the usual crisis spin that sudden change can cause; proof that Change Champions are human too, with the same common emotional phases:

1. Denial [reality shock, ‘this can’t be happening’, why?]
2. Anger [not ready, not right, not rational – just so wrong on so many levels]
3. Bargaining [reaction -> responding, try to fix it or make sense of it]
4. Depression [realisation, sadness, practicality, assessing choices]
5. Acceptance [options, opportunities, solutions, wisdom & growth]

Now … we are embracing more CHANGES – yes, again.

Life is about zigzags, not straight lines.

Not only is change a way of life, it is always going to be more prevalent in our lives. Why? Because you get more of what you focus on. What you put out there, often comes back to you. As one of my besties recently put it:

“As brave and bold disrupters, questioning unacceptable status quo, suggesting and influencing change … there will always be push back from those who fear change and feel threatened. You disrupt their comfort zone or rock their boat … chances are: they’ll do the same back – with vengeance.”

True. When you dig deeper into the communities and organisations that are stuck in the past, or struggling to survive, or their culture is toxic and their people live with fear or no trust; it’s obvious why. Their ‘leaders’ resist change and kill off progressive game-changers. Good people leave, comfort-zone plodders stay; nothing changes. Just the way they like it.

One thing I know as an experienced coach and human behaviour specialist; we have no control of others’ behaviours – they own that. We do, however, have control and choice over our responses to that; and we choose not to be reduced by others unethical actions.

Seriously … feeling stuck, or working in a toxic environment, or forced to play small to suit others low expectations, is not a choice we would ever make. There is no passion in that, no honour in selling your soul, no reason for us to change our approach.

As a pair of game-changers; we don’t rumble in the crisis stages of 1-4 for long. Rapid acceptance of a closed door means that we are free to shake off the shackles and explore other doors … new opportunities, exciting adventures, choices, chances and more change. YAH!

Ahead is simply a change of circumstances, a location change, a chance to take our 2017 goals and make them happen elsewhere … just down the road.

What I’ve realised through these challenging few weeks is that my partner and I have a well-honed six-phase approach that drives and flexes around just about everything we do; it flows something like this:

1. Dream it – Notice what’s needed, visualise what it could be, believe in our abilities to help make it happen
2. Plan it - Clear WHY – purpose, clear WHAT – objective, clear WHO – responsibility for actions
3. Push it - Focus on the can do [not the can’t do], inspire and engage others, talk it, walk it, be it
4. Do it – Momentum, actions, hurdles, barriers, wins, loses, achievements; whatever arises along the journey. Action beats inaction.
5. Face it – Review, reality check, results, take responsibility, respond accordingly
6. Embrace it – Whatever the outcome, everything is an opportunity for learning & growth … and/or wiser for the experience.

This works for us like a rotating circular flow that keeps us rolling from one opportunity to the next, making a difference wherever it is needed, wanted and valued. Lots of achievements; some things work, some don’t. It’s this choice to not live in the realms of needing certainty, that strengthens our resilience and drive to bounce back and keep going. Besides, seriously – zigzags are far more interesting than straight lines.

Just like Richard Branson, who has had more failures than he bothers to count; he learned early on not to spend time regretting the past, but rather put more energy into the future. He looks for opportunities to capitalise from every failed venture; and often does. We agree with his quote:

“Opportunities are like buses … there’s always another one coming”

So, as the end of June approaches, it’s time for a mid-year review of my 2017 goals. Despite the unexpected hurdles, I can tick some off as ‘achieved’ or ‘established’, some as ‘in progress’, and excitingly – the most important ones will be far easier to get into and embrace from our new location.

What I know for sure … with every change – planned or unplanned, there are always new opportunities to explore, new doors to open, new chapters waiting to be written, new relationships to build, more growth and more wisdom to fuel our tanks. That doesn’t rock our boat, it floats it.

REVOLUTIONARY CHANGE ROCKS … in unexpected zigzaggy ways!

Written by Jilinda Lee … Change Champion, Leadership Coach, OD Strategist, Writer, Speaker … Founder and CEO of Workforce Vitality and passionate inspirer of dynamic, game-changing leaders.

If you need a mentor to help you lift your mojo, so that you can make positive changes personally or professionally, contact Jilinda for a free 15-minute chat.

The post REVOLUTIONARY CHANGE ROCKS – 6 Phase approach to building resilience – for fellow DISRUPTERS. appeared first on Workforce Vitality.

Passive bullying … How to deal with it?

Chances are …it’s happening in your workplace, right?  So, I’m curious. What are you doing about flushing out and stopping this insidious behaviour?

In my two previous Passive Bully Boss articles – PART ONE – Is that your management style?, and  PART TWO – Recognising the behaviour drivers; I provided an overview of what passive bullying is, particularly naming and shaming this sinister behaviour; and an outline of the more common behaviour types and motivators of the serial perpetrators. If you haven’t read these, may I suggest that’s a good place to start, as it provides an important ‘WHAT’ backdrop for this subsequent ‘HOW to’ article.

Warning: this is straight shooting, serious stuff. Disappointingly, it needs to be so; especially when it sits at the top of many organisations as a seemingly protected society. Perhaps a remnant of the ‘old boys club’, or simply a sign of the economic times that drives self-preservation over social ethics; passive bullying divides teams and leads to the demise of valued employees and indeed, whole organisations.

Now, getting right to the point; urgent action is needed. In some industries, passive bullying is reaching epidemic status, due to general acceptance of ‘just the way it is’.  The Australian [read: Ocker] anti-wowser response of ‘suck it up, princess’ also doesn’t help matters on the local scene.  Ignoring this type of passive bullying [or any bullying behaviour] is not a valid option.

LEADERS: If you are a Leader, Board Member, CEO, Director, HR Manager or anyone who has leadership influence in your organisation, it’s time for you to step up and put a stop to this madness. If you continue to bury your head in the sand and hope it goes away; let me tell you – you’re kidding yourself. Hope is never a strategy.

From personal experience and observation of numerous workplaces in my HR consulting role; one thing I know for sure – what you continue to allow, will absolutely get worse.  Seriously, please sit up and take notice.

The devastating effects the sinister behaviours of bully bosses can have on others, ranges from: hypertension, sleep deprivation, severe mood swings, anxiety and panic attacks, ulcers, migraine headaches, depression, even post-traumatic stress disorder. When nothing is done, or it seems like nothing can be done, extreme cases of workplace bullying can lead to suicide.

Warning: stopping this behaviour is not going to be an easy path, but it’s not about doing what’s easy.  It’s about doing what’s right.

 Wrong is always wrong, even if others are doing it …                                                                                      right is always right, even if not enough are doing it.

Bullying is an act of cruelty, based on weakness. The perpetrator is a coward, who lacks courage of his or her own convictions. As a leader in your organisation, you need to be the opposite of that – be brave, stand up and stop it.

VICTIMS:  Firstly my heart goes out to you. No one wants to be a victim, no one asks for it, no one deserves it.  But, when the bully is your boss, that is one of the most challenging situations to deal with. You are going to need to source some help and support [hopefully from other leading influencers in your workplace and community].

Let’s start with the obvious:  there are two really tricky issues about having to deal with a passive bully boss: One is: they are in a power position over you, and if you stand up to them or put in a complaint about them; they will likely make your work life even harder than it already is.  Think push back on steriods. Not fair, but it’s a reality that you need to be prepared for.

The second one is: they are inclined to use tactics that are less noticeable to others [refer to passive bullying definitions in Part ONE], or a series of trivial things that continually chip away to undermine you.  These things on their own – may seem insignificant, but collectively – shows a concerning pattern.

So, what CAN you do?  Here’s 5 things I recommend:

1.  Start a WTF File – document E V E R Y T H I N G. This is an absolute must. Documented proof is the best way to stand up against ‘he said / she said’ counter arguments.

If you are dealing with an experienced perpetrator, they will be very good at deliberately doing things with no paper trail.  Lots of verbal remarks, often behind closed doors, less likely in email.  Even if you send an email for clarification, they will often respond verbally or ignore it all together. Denying conversations occurred is their default response. Ignoring your requests and excluding you is part of their game.

Just keep note of everything you can. Incidents, emails and texts, diarise quotes of what was said as accurately as you can, dates, times, tone, body language, who else was in ear-shot, and importantly, how it made you feel.

Yes, this will take lots of time and energy. It’s not easy, but it will be the best way to show a consistent pattern of bullying behaviour.

 2.    Go to your HR Manager or representative – share your detailed file with them and follow the workplace health and safety – bullying complaints procedure in your workplace. Hopefully, your HR support person is also brave enough to stand up and stop this.  Sadly, I know that is not always the case.

Let’s be real here. I am often disappointed with the lack of HR support provided to bullying victims, especially when it comes to passive bullying done by senior officers. Several things are often at play here: one is that it’s difficult to prove [hence the need for your detailed documentation], and secondly, the passive bully boss is often either a colleague of the HR Manager or their boss too.

Where the HR Manager also reports to the perpetrator, another level of trickiness is added to the equation. I’ve recently seen this: a HR Manager who clearly sold her soul to the devil [aka CEO], for her own self-preservation; knowing full well that the bullied victim was being treated unfairly. Wrong on so many levels.

As a HR professional, industry standards and codes of conduct should always be front and centre of decision making. Ethics, both professional and personal, are everything. HR Manager roles should be impartial, stand alone, and all such complaint matters should be conducted in an unbiased way.  People’s lives matter. Trust matters.

3.    Formal complaint – in Australia, this would generally be to the Fair Work Commission. Once again, detailed documentation will be needed to support your complaint, and keep in mind; the perpetrator will also be provided a copy of your allegations for their right of response.

Another dose of reality is warranted here; particularly in relation to passive bullying incidents.  Even though you may have wonderfully detailed documentation, the experienced perpetrator will generally deny the allegations and produce counter documents or diary entries [often fabricated] to dispute your notes. Verbal incidents will be hard to prove, unless you have a first-hand witness [someone who saw and heard the incident].

Remember: it’s called passive bullying for a reason; the perpetrator deliberately tries to keep it ‘under the radar’.  Their argument will always be: no witnesses = didn’t happen. If it can’t be proven, the FWC will find in favour of the respondent; who then proudly swans around telling everyone ‘she’s been cleared’, when in reality she’s just not been caught – yet. You must play a smarter game, which brings me to the next important tip.

4.    Witnesses & Support person – try to never be alone with the passive bully boss. Make a list of those you trust and gain agreement for them to be your witnesses or support person in meetings [even if only by speaker phone]. Be super prepared, and consciously aware of each situation. 

For example: when called to a meeting in a closed-door office with the bully boss – take a witness in with you. Your boss should not refuse your request for a witness or support person.

If ambushed in an unexpected situation, stop the conversation and request a support person, or reschedule for when your support person is available. You have the right to stop a meeting and walk out, if you don’t feel safe.

Yes, this action puts the passive bully boss on notice. You don’t trust them, for good reason. Trust is earned, not given … and certainly can’t be demanded.

5.    Leave the situation – yes, quit – walk away. It’s an obvious choice and in some cases, it’s the only sensible choice.  It is not weak to quit. Just as it takes courage to stand up to bullying, it also takes courage to walk away with your head held high, knowing you deserve to be treated so much better – elsewhere.

So, if your current organisation is ignoring, accepting or even worse – rewarding bullying behaviour, you will be far better off away from there. It is much worse to stick around while your health and well-being is destroyed.

One thing I have learned from personal experience: you can’t change the behaviours of others who are not willing to change. Passive bully bosses demonstrating sociopath behaviours don’t want to change, have no conscience, exist only for themselves and have no interest in others.  Yes, they should not be in leadership roles, and given the prevalence; clearly there is much improvement needed in recruitment processes at senior levels [a whole other topic].

BULLY-BOSSES: Passive or otherwise. I’m aware it is highly likely some of you have been curiously following this series of articles. Good. Perhaps you are scoffing at some of the behavioural descriptions and suggestions made. You’re not ‘that bad’, right? Perhaps you think you are just being clever, in that ‘it’s worked for you’ so far.

Some of you may think that your senior position or role allows you to treat others however the hell you want; that it’s your right to maliciously hire and fire, to rule your subordinates with fear and intimidation, to manipulate to suit your needs, and create massive mistrust within your organisation.

Well, it’s not OK. It’s not acceptable. Your power base does not grow as you destroy others’ lives with your sociopathic tendencies, anti-social behaviours and narcissistic ruthlessness. It diminishes. These behaviours are all signs that you have low self-esteem, low self-awareness, and very poor emotional intelligence levels. Anyone who is unfortunate enough to deal with you on a regular basis, can see that.

Get some help. Stop this insanity. This is not leadership behaviour. You are not a leader. Your organisation and greater community deserves better.

 REAL leaders know the difference between what they have a right to do,                                                                                     and what is the right thing to do.

STEP UP … SPEAK UP … SAY NO TO BULLYING!

Written by Jilinda Lee … Leadership Coach, OD Strategist, Writer, Speaker … Founder and CEO of Workforce Vitality and passionate advocate for ethical, fair and inclusive leadership practices.

If you need help to develop better leadership practices in your organisation, or personal development, contact Jilinda for a free 30-minute consultation.

The post The Passive Bully Boss … PART THREE – How to deal with it appeared first on Workforce Vitality.

Passive bullying … who would do that?

Definitely not you, right? What drives a boss to treat employees that way?

In the previous article – The Passive Bully Boss – PART ONE – Is that your management style?, I provided an overview of what passive bullying is, particularly naming and shaming this insidious, often hidden behaviour.  If you haven’t read Part ONE, may I suggest that’s a good place to start, as identifying the pattern of behaviour is step one.  It may just surprise you how common some of the listed behaviours are; worth checking that they are NOT in your own management style kit.

Firstly, from my observations across various workplaces, these behaviours are mostly done with deliberate intent. The passive bully generally knows exactly what they are doing, although there have been some cases where further coaching exploration revealed it was a learned behaviour from being on the receiving end themselves, in the past. Therefore, while they were less self-aware of what they were doing, as it was more of a monkey see, monkey do habit; they were certainly conscious of the end outcome they fully intended to manipulate.

Because passive bullying is often carried out in many small, unseen actions that collectively chip away at the victim’s confidence, or gradually undermine their character, it’s much harder to prove. This means the perpetrator may continue to get away with it for years; so, they tend to become very experienced at using this tactic to get their own way, across various aspects in their life.

 Their thinking becomes: ‘well, it worked – she resigned = we got rid of her … got away with it, so I’ll do it again next time’ …  and the perpetrator becomes confident and cocky.

Perhaps the scariest situation I have noticed is that when they have been using this ‘style of management’ for years, they actually do believe there is nothing wrong with that.  Just recently I observed a case where the HR investigator’s findings, after a very brief review, stated that the two parties simply ‘had differing management styles’.

Let me reiterate – passive bullying behaviour is NOT a management style, and certainly has NO place in leadership roles. 

Now, let’s look at WHY they do it.  I have one of those enquiring minds that needs to know why; to make sense of these unacceptable behaviours too often observed in workplaces; the gestures and actions that make me tilt my head to one side, frown with a questioning raised eyebrow, shake my head and start digging for answers. Understanding what drives the perpetrator to behave in this way, helps to join the dots in flushing this culture destroying misconduct out of your workplace.

While there is no one type of personality who are typically passive bully bosses, researched studies confirm that the serial perpetrators often have narcissistic or anti-social personality traits, stemming from their own unresolved psychological issues, often experienced as a child. Adding to the research, here’s the specific motivating behaviours and drivers I’ve observed from workplace passive bullies:

Narcissistic traits – no one else is more important to the narcissist than themselves. Their radar is tuned to anything or anyone that potentially may out-shine them; believing that blowing other’s candles out, makes theirs burn brighter. One interesting driver is that they love the game of getting away with it, more than the action itself. Like a cat and mouse game, they love the taunt, seeing the victim squirm, even being questioned; because the best part is convincing everyone else that others are delusional. They get off on this deception; the cleverness of getting away with it … again and again. Watch for the patterns.

Anti-social traits – a real disregard for other people’s rights, the anti-social personality feels little or no empathy toward other people and tends to be callous, cynical and self-focused on their own needs and wants. They don’t see the problem in bending the rules to suit themselves, while enforcing strict rules on others. They have no wish or need to form enduring relationships with others, and often prefer to work outside of normal hours to avoid interactions, while quietly undermining others who dare to question their intent, and deceitfully conning the organisation for their own personal profit or gain.

Power base traits – over-using formal, delegated, positional power.  Having the right to hire and fire, make redundant or write performance reports that make or break; these passive bully perpetrators get off on the power of conducting direct or indirect threats to the victim’s security and certainty. Just because they can, and they need to keep reinforcing the point that they are in charge.

Relevance needs – must be able to influence the power figures, the decision makers, and manipulate the outcome; often grooming and controlling blind loyal followers to do the dirty work for them. They have a constant need for significance and self-importance.  Probably an unmet desire to be in the ‘top job’ or be regarded as equally [or more] important.

Control freak – may appear to be power driven, but most control freaks are actually extremely fearful, risk adverse and driven by anxiety. They become the micro-managers and rarely know they are one. They tend to use passive bullying behaviours to performance manage out anybody they see as a high risk to their need for order and control; anybody doing it differently to their prescribed way is ‘not right’ or ‘not a good fit’. Change is a real threat, so they live in a world of constant anxiety about losing control.

Wow! you say. You know these people too. I’m betting there were names popping in your head as you read each of these unacceptable behaviours. Perhaps there was a mirror or two involved in the process?

My intent in describing these specific behaviours and what drives them, is so that decision makers in organisations STOP accepting this as ‘normal’, especially from the people in their leadership teams. Passive bully bosses will turn your workplace culture toxic if they are not confronted, and what invariably happens is your best people will leave first.   Why?  Because your high performers will be prime targets [read: perceived threats] for the insecure, socially inept, passive bully bosses.

Remember, if you are the leader in your organisation …

Your workplace culture will be shaped by the worst behaviour you are willing to tolerate.

Flush out your passive bullies … bosses or not.

If they are willing to learn better leadership behaviours and capable of changing their ways, I recommend they start with a Social + Emotional Intelligence Profile – SEIP assessment supported by 6 coaching sessions from an experienced Leadership Coach.

If they are not willing or able to change, have the courage to move them on … for the sake of your organisation. Your people will thank you. Your organisation will breath easier, re-build trust and flourish again.

Written by Jilinda Lee … Leadership Coach, OD Strategist, Writer, Speaker … Director of Workforce Vitality and passionate advocate for ethical, fair and inclusive leadership practices.

If you need help to develop better leadership practices in your organisation, or personal development, contact Jilinda for a free 30-minute consultation.

The post The Passive Bully Boss … PART TWO – Recognising the behaviour drivers appeared first on Workforce Vitality.

Bullying.  Not your style, right?

Everyone knows that bullying behaviours are wrong; whether in school yards, cyber-space, workplaces or even in board rooms.  It’s talked about, flushed out, investigated, and generally not tolerated these days [except perhaps in the political arena, which the vast majority of voting Australian’s find shameful].

These days, most workplaces have some sort of bullying policy and complaints procedure in their workplace health and safety kit, as the impact on victims of bullying can be quite damaging physically, psychologically, and financially detrimental for the organisation.  While that may assist in addressing bullying that is blatantly obvious, aggressive and loud, and if it’s reported, and there are witnesses; what about the more subtler forms of bullying?

Passive bullying … sometimes referred to as passive aggressive behaviour or silenced bullying, is potentially a far more sinister form of deliberately mind-screwing with the victim.  Less direct and less openly noticeable to others, it’s that silent chipping away of a person’s confidence, an undermining campaign that may include character assassination, exclusion, sidelining, withdrawing role responsibilities, and sometimes verbal abuse behind closed doors [no witnesses].

What makes this worse than the overt and aggressive form of bullying, is that it’s often not clearly or certainly identified from small, isolated incidents.  The victim is often unaware of why they feel more anxious or stressed, until they piece together a pattern of successively undermining or belittling incidents.  This joining of the dots approach makes it harder to prove, find witnesses, or get support for. Just the way the passive bully likes it; clever and careful to leave no evidential trail. Still not you, right?

Why am I blogging on about this? Because in recent years, in my role as a corporate consultant and leadership coach, working with Executive Leaders and HR Managers to improve workplace culture, I am appalled at how common this behaviour is within workplaces, and how little is being done to address this; both internally – within the organisations, and externally – by government agencies.

So, why doesn’t the CEO, Leader, Manager, or Boss do something about this … you may well ask? I’m immensely disappointed and saddened to report that from my recent observations and personal experience, it is in fact ‘the boss’ that IS the passive bully – the leader of such unacceptable behaviour. The cause of a toxic culture where passive bullying is role modelled, begrudgingly accepted, and sadly, emulated down the ranks.

Even worse than this revelation, is the fact that too many either don’t see anything wrong with this behaviour [it’s not ‘real bullying’], or for some it’s become so ‘normal’ and accepted that they don’t know they are doing it or the negative impact it is having on others.

Step one to addressing this, is to educate others in identifying passive bullying; naming the unacceptable behaviour. Making it easier to join those dots and recognise the subtle signs.

Could this be happening in your workplace?  To you or a colleague?  Or are these behaviours part of your own management style kit?

Try our checklist.

• Silent treatment towards an individual …

Example: ignore their requests for meetings, ignore their emails, no attempt to establish effective working relationship with them.

• Marginalising and ostracising an individual …

Example:  keeping them on the outer, not including them in team or project discussions, not passing on crucial information that enables them to do their role well.

• Undermining campaign against an individual …

Example: talking negatively about them to others or questioning others about their ability, reducing their responsibilities, or giving their work to others.

• Character assassination …

Example: defaming their name or capabilities to deliberately damage their reputation with others, and reduce career progression opportunities

•  Sidelining from their ‘normal’ duties or project responsibilities …

Example: project or role tasks taken away and given to others for no relevant or apparent reason

• Closed door direct verbal abuse …

Example: deliberate verbal assaults, face to face or by phone, but out of ear-shot of others [easily denied later]

•  Avoidance of collaboration opportunities …

Example: Obstructs any opportunity for others to shine, feels threatened by others with different, better, more innovative ideas and solutions.

• Targeting of high performers …

Example:  Feels threatened by high performers and uses the above behaviours to keep others ‘in their place’, so as not to show up their own levels of incompetence.

• Avoidance of putting anything in writing …

Example: Opts for verbal interactions to avoid promising or commitment to anything [easier to deny – he said / she said]

• Avoidance of clarity of expectations …

Example: Avoids formalising job contracts, role descriptions, performance reviews, creating deliberate uncertainty and insecurity of others, as a bargaining threat.

• Belief that the position provides legitimate power …

Example: Right to do [all of the above] as ‘the boss’.

• Sense of superior entitlement …

Example: rules that apply to others, don’t apply to ‘the boss’

Recognise any of these power play behaviours? Perhaps you have been accepting this as just some people’s management style. I mean, one or two of these behaviours exercised ‘lightly’ and occasionally, surely is not being a serial passive bully boss?

True, to a point.  One of these subtle behaviours in isolation, may not ring the same alarm bells as the loud, aggressive, obvious bully boss.  However, when these unreasonable behaviours happen repeatedly and intentionally against someone to cause distress and make them fell less powerful or helpless, [often with the intent to push them to resign], that fits the nationally accepted definition of bullying [passive or otherwise].

In PART TWO, I will share what drives or motivates the ‘passive bully boss’ to behave in that way;  from my own personal observations of behavioural styles, research and recent successful Australian cases against passive bully bosses.

Wrong is always wrong, even if others get away with it.  

Standing up to do what’s right is always the right thing to do.

I wish you the clarity to know the difference, and the courage to stand up to such inappropriate behaviours.

For further definition outlines and check-lists, visit the Fair Work Commission website.

Written by Jilinda Lee … Leadership Coach, OD Strategist, Writer, Speaker … Director of Workforce Vitality and passionate advocate for ethical, fair and inclusive leadership practices.

If you need help to develop better leadership practices in your organisation, or personal development, contact Jilinda for a free 30 minute consultation.

The post The Passive Bully Boss – Part ONE – Is that your management style? appeared first on Workforce Vitality.

Blame … it’s such a negative, immature emotion … and it stifles learning, real change and growth.

Life is an interesting game … a zig zag journey. There’s stuff we plan and do, there’s stuff we try, fail and learn from, then there’s unexpected stuff that’s thrown across our path that challenges us to choose our responses – carefully. There are times to play hard, there are times to go with the flow, there are times to watch and observe, and there are times to walk away.

All of this creates who we are.  How we respond showcases who we are – our values, our strengths, and our weaknesses. When things don’t go your way, choosing to be a victim, hang with the victims, or focus on blaming others, is a weakness … it’s just lame.

I’ve recently been rather gobsmacked while observing quite strong and unresourceful blaming behaviour within my local community.  So many people seem to wallow and get stuck in the blame game, to the point that it creates misguided anger towards other individuals and divides whole sections of the community, shunning any logical thought processing or genuine attempt to understand.  Seems like it’s all about ‘the game’ and creating drama for some; divide and conquer at all cost … and the cost  is massive!

Yes, ok … we’ve just been through Local Government electioneering of late, but that doesn’t make this blaming behaviour any more acceptable or right.   To say: ‘sorry, I didn’t mean it … it’s just politics’, after direct slurs and deliberate blaming has occurred, is totally unethical behaviour for would-be community leaders.  You are not ‘two people’ … you are always ‘the whole you’, and always responsible for your behaviour.

It’s perhaps helpful to recognise that small minded people blame others for their current unhappy situation.  This behaviour is a sign of immaturity; underdeveloped Emotional Intelligence [EQ] that generally indicates low levels of self-awareness, self-control, personal resilience, agility to accept and adapt to change, and situational intelligence [just to name a few of the 26 EQ competencies from a framework we regularly use with our clients].

Rather than being open to a variety of perspectives and gaining broad understanding of the whole situation, so as to respond in a thoughtful, mature and rational way; those who lash out defensively and look to blame are choosing to be a victim.  That’s right … it’s a choice; because everyone is responsible for how they respond to stuff that happens.  Your responses are always YOUR choice.

You can’t control what happens, but you can totally control how you respond.

When you blame others, you are actually portraying that you are powerless over your own life; which also indicates low personal power levels [another essential EQ competency]. Some people try to look more powerful, important and strong, by using the blame game to try to diminish the power of others, with the intent to make their own light shine brighter. They would do well to remember this:

Blowing another’s candle out, does not make yours burn brighter.

 In fact … all it does is makes a lot of unwelcome, choking smoke!  It also demonstrates an inept weakness in emotional intelligence levels and maturity.

Don’t blame -> Take Responsibility … remember these points:

• Blaming others won’t solve your problems
• Only YOU can solve your problems – take responsibility for your situation
• Understand your situation – within you is both the problem AND the solution
• There is always something you can do to fix your situation – you always have choices

Blaming others is such a wasteful use of your time and blocks the opportunities that challenging situations can provide you. It builds walls that restrict your view of possible solutions and your ability to work collaboratively.  It takes time and energy away from improving yourself, learning and growing.

Far better to focus on YOU – what worked? … what didn’t? … what did you learn? … what will you change? Take responsibility for your actions and outcomes … accept your situation, change it, or leave it. Blaming is madness!

Emotionally intelligent leaders know there is no place for blaming others. If it’s time for you to build more muscle in leadership intelligence, ask us about our popular LQ Program. 

The moment you take responsibility for everything in your life, is the moment you can change anything in your life – Hal Elrod.

The post Quit the Blame Game appeared first on Workforce Vitality.

HAPPY XMAS PARTY SEASON … make it a meaningful event.

Regardless of budget constraints or less-than-optimal situations, you should NEVER CANCEL THE STAFF XMAS PARTY.

• If it’s been a great year ... go all out, surprize them with your generousity … thank your team and ensure they all feel valued and special. Speak with excitement about what 2016 will bring, and how they fit into that vision.

• If it’s been an average year … celebrate the year by focusing on both achievements and learnings … throw an in-house staff party and make sure you include everyone. Inspire them with your positive vision and plans for 2016.

• If it’s been a crap year and money is tight … show appreciation to your team with personal ‘thank-you’ notes, written and delivered by ‘the boss’ with a hand-shake … perhaps include a small gift card. Throw a simple drinks afternoon to send off 2015, closing that page.  Encourage them to see 2016 as a new chapter, a new year of new opportunities, adventure and change.   Let them know that you want them to be part of that.

Holiday breaks often provide time and brain space for creative thinking.  Ask them to think of new ideas [outside the box thinking] over the break … and plan a ‘think-tank’ workshop for everyone to bring their ideas forward, for early in 2016. Let them know that you value their input in making 2016 a much better year for your organisation … set the workshop date and follow through with openness to the ideas put forward.

So … if you haven’t arranged something yet – DO IT NOW!  Make it a high priority … give it the attention they deserve.

If it’s too late to do it well before Xmas holidays, make sure you start 2016 off with real bang –  a New Year / New Chapter celebration party … and PLAN THAT NOW!

 REMEMBER: If your team members are not your #1 priority, your organisation will not be their #1 option.

 So … Celebrate … Appreciate … Stimulate … Motivate your team … and throw an awesome Xmas party.

The post Why you should never cancel your Staff Xmas Party … appeared first on Workforce Vitality.

Servant Leadership … what IS that? 

Robert K. Greenleaf coined the term “servant leadership” in an essay he first published in 1970, saying:

“The servant-leader is servant first. It begins with the natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first. Then conscious choice brings one to aspire to lead. That person is sharply different from one who is leader first, perhaps because of the need to assuage an unusual power drive or to acquire material possessions. The leader-first and the servant-first are two extreme types. The leader who is servant first ensures that other people’s highest priority needs are being served.”

Put simply:  Servant Leaders intentionally focus on identifying and meeting the needs of others … it is this that motivates them to influence and lead … rather than to acquire power, wealth and fame for themselves.

Lets face it:  there are leaders who are in it for themselves … and leaders who are in it for others.  In my personal experience across various industries, organisations and in even the public service arena, those who focus on others needs and others development, are the most effective leaders.

S - Servant leaders are visionary – they have strong self-awareness and situational awareness, and the foresight to join the dots and see the bigger picture – the potential future.

E - Servant leaders engage – they listen with genuine interest and are committed to the growth and development of people and their community.

R - Servant leaders continually learn and create – they look at problems as opportunities to design better solutions, conceptualizing ideas bigger and beyond day-to-day, issue-by-issue focus.

V – Servant leaders value people, relationships and end results – in that order. They understand the importance of building a trusted community where people feel they belong.

E – Servant leaders have strong values that fit with a natural desire to serve others. This ‘calling’ to serve is deeply rooted and value-based on making a difference for other people.

Are you a servant leader? 

Test yourself with these 10 personal challenge questions? 

1. Do people believe that you want to hear their ideas and will value them?
2. Do people believe that you will understand what is happening in their lives and how it affects them?
3. Do others tend to come to you when their tanks are low and options are few, especially when something traumatic has happened in their lives?
4. Do others believe you have a strong sense of clarity and keen insight into what is going on?
5. Do others follow up on your requests because they want to, or because they have to?
6. Do others contribute their ideas and vision for the good of the group when you are around?
7. Do others have confidence in your ability to anticipate the results of decisions and their consequences?
8. Do others believe you are preparing them to make a positive difference in the world?
9. Do people believe that you are committed to helping them learn, grow and develop as a whole person?
10. Do people believe that you are willing to sacrifice self-interest for the good of the group?

Yes … the questions are all about how OTHERS perceive your intent, purpose, behaviours, responses, and decisions … how others see you, feel about your leader style, and what beliefs they form about whether to trust and follow your leadership.

What type of leader you are … is up to you. You design and own your leadership style.

Take a look in the mirror … it all starts with self-awareness. What do you value most? 

If you would like to develop your servant leadership strengths, contact us.  

Our most popular product is Vital Signs Leadership Development Coaching & Mentoring, which includes a Social + Emotional Intelligence Profile – SEIP online assessment as a great starting base to test your skill levels and personal coaching. Rave reviews … awesome results.

The post S E R V E – Ten Questions to test your Servant Leadership strengths? appeared first on Workforce Vitality.